So, please help me if you can. What in tarnation is a Bitcoin, anyways? To my mind, a day’s work has always earned an American dollar, a Russian ruble or a French franc. I understand coins are disappearing as they aren’t worth much anymore, but what is a Bitcoin, and what’s it worth? I posed this question to a savvy friend of mine, and he shrugged his shoulders and said, “sixty-six thousand?”

Oh, so you’re telling me there is a coin out there in circulation that is worth more than the price of a new Tesla? Well that beats most anything I ever heard. And who exactly is minting these Bitcoins, anyways? Might our mint in Carson City start turning them out? I’ve been after our mint for years to turn out a Mark Twain Commemorative Coin, but I might let that slide if I could get my hands on a bright new Bitcoin.

Just as a lie that is repeated enough times will eventually be accepted by some as the Gospel truth, if you keep on selling the idea that your shiny new coin is worth $66,000, I guess it will be worth $66,000 to somebody.

So long as I have your ear, there’s another quandary that’s been bothering me of late that maybe you can help me with.

We Americans have a fiscal emergency heading our way, where the government will run out of money and shut down next month if Congress doesn’t lift the debt ceiling. So tell me this: if the president has sole authority to start a nuclear war and destroy the world as we know it, why can’t he exercise his appropriation powers to head off a financial calamity? We should change that. We should flip that one around. I would humbly suggest that we pay the national debt off in Bitcoins, and leave the declaration of nuclear war to a vote of entire populations on both sides of any proposed nuclear conflict. Take this advice to heart, and well my friend, we will no longer have a national debt, and we will no longer have a threat of nuclear war.

Yes, were I superintending, well, things would be different. First and foremost, I would always ask the advice of my gentle reader before making a decision of any consequence. Then, I would ask the advice of my ex-wife, because she always had a better idea than mine, and could articulate it in a way that I never could have thought of in a hundred years.

In closing, I would ask, should you happen to get your hands on a Bitcoin, would you be so kind as to call me, and I will drive as far as 30 miles to have a look at it. Plus, I will show you the Nevada quarter with wild stallions on it that Governor Guinn gave to me. … I might even consider a trade.

McAvoy Layne is a 30-year impressionist of Mark Twain who can be reached at GhostofTwain.com.

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